Frog prince dating
”I smack the last few tissues over his sandal and stand up.Whoever he is, he’s not much taller than me because I don’t have to crane my neck back to see his face. I’d appreciate it if you’d speak about her with a little more respect.”Christine is my cousin.My four-inch stiletto lances something spongy…maybe a shoe.I pull my foot up and do an about-face to see what I’ve stepped on.. I look up to inspect the peasant who would wear sandals for such a somber occasion.“We can use it for a tourniquet.” He shoots me a lopsided smirk before dropping down to apply direct pressure to the hole in his foot with his hand.Still top-side, I consider telling him that it took me two months to subtly convince a friend that this three-hundred dollar blouse made her look fat so she would give it to me.I look down at the long-sleeved gray T-shirt he’s wearing.
” This has an Asshole Factor of about eight, but (as my mother always told me) words are not fishing line you can reel back in after a bad cast. As a sexuality researcher, I once managed a pheromone study where a dozen different men were asked to wear identical white T-shirts to bed for three days. The second: “Smells like a goat rolled in moldy rags.”In the end they found out that women who scored a particular T-shirt high had immunity markers that were the opposite of the T-shirt wearer and speculated a union between the two would result in offspring with a high chance of fighting off, say, diphtheria, scabies, herpes, Ebola, or any one of the other fun bugs in the grab-bag of human diseases.
That’s when I notice that people around us are staring. We end up in a small, private grieving alcove of sorts with a couch and end tables loaded up with flowers and boxes of tissues.
I nearly gag on the overpowering aroma of lavender before pulling the curtain closed over the entrance. “The dead should be glad I didn’t show up in a jock strap and a pair of socks.
Everyone agrees that my Great Aunt Tina looks fabulous dead.
Great Uncle Morris has picked her favorite violet pantsuit for her, the one with the gold buttons.